I recently saw this Gizmodo report that Microsoft is soon going to be launching the Zune Phone. The device itself may be fine, but I don’t need to point out all the similarities to Apple’s iPhone. This is as of yet unconfirmed by Microsoft itself, but for the purposes of this post, it doesn’t really matter. It all fits into a larger trend. Ask yourself:  would it really surprise you if this turned out to be true? Over the past couple of years, Microsoft has launched a lot of rather quixotic attempts to break into markets established (or essentially created) by other companies:

• Back in 2006, they launched Spaces in an apparent bid to compete with MySpace.
• There was the Zune, of course, which was trying to compete with the iPod.
• Microsoft is opening Microsoft Stores, rather blatantly copying Apple in the process.
• They are pushing an internet search engine called Bing to try to compete with Google.
• They tried to open a Twitter-like microblogging service in China called Zuku.
• And of course there was the Xbox which is moving into territory occupied by Nintendo and Sony.

I’m not trying to disparage the quality of the products themselves. I happen to think the Xbox 360 is a pretty good gaming machine (when it works), and by all accounts, the Zune is a perfectly good and functional mp3 player. But as business ventures, Microsoft’s new products have ranged  from outright failures to mixed at best. Arguably the most successful of them is the Xbox 360, but as much as Microsoft executives may publicly claim to be happy with it, there can be little doubt that they would rather be in Nintendo’s place rather than fighting for runner-up with Sony. Meanwhile, the Zune has gone nowhere, Bing is making little progress, and the upcoming Microsoft Stores are coming in for so much advance mockery that it’s I’m seriously wondering if Microsoft will still go through with them.

Why does it seem that Microsoft is only interested in following the lead of other companies? Why can’t they come up with new, innovative products of their own? How masochistic do you have to be to try to compete with Google on their home turf?

continue reading "Why Microsoft doesn’t innovate"

Dear Xantar,

Because this is anonymous, I don’t have to pretend here that I don’t know that I have great, firm, wrinkle-free skin at almost 50. I just won the genetic lottery in that regard. The problem arises in that people often peg my age at mid- to late 30s. Great, right? Not really. Recently I found myself at a work function with younger people. One man in the group starting bemoaning being 43 and the oldest person at the table. That led to a whole funny-serious discussion about being old. I stayed silent because I’m five years older than 43, and telling people my age often leads to the “look,” which is where the other person will sort of freeze for a moment in disbelief and then change to a growing look of horror. Good lord, she’s old! I’ve found there’s a big disparity between how a person perceives and treats someone in their mid- to late 30s vs. late 40s, and it’s led to some awkward moments. I don’t think I should be saying, “Hi, I’m Mary, and just so you know, I’m 48,” when meeting people, so what do I do? Drop a Culture Club reference right away?

Dear Youth On the Brain,

You think that’s terrible? Try being the only person in my graduating class in college who couldn’t legally drink. I was so unspeakably brilliant in school that I ended up skipping a grade and, because I was born in July, I was already pretty young for whichever grade I was in at the time anyway. The result: a 20-year old college graduate who couldn’t get into a bar. And every time somebody asked, I had to explain my whole tragic story about how I was ripped from a class of my peers and placed into a strange new world of people one year older than me.

But you know what? I got over it. You will, too. If nothing else, time will take care of things just like it did for me.

Dear Xantar,

My husband lost two close family members to alcoholism. Probably because of this, he does not drink and never has. I like to have a glass of wine every now and then. I also like to have a drink when I go out with my girlfriends (we go out once or twice a month). I understand my husband’s concerns, but just because two of his family members died as a result of drinking, does that mean I can never drink? All I really want is to have a glass of wine after I put the kids to bed. He finds this to be unacceptable and just recently threatened to call the police because I was having one glass of wine after I read to the kids and put them to bed. Is there any way past this?

Dear Just One,

In some ways, I hate reading letters like this because as ridiculous as the situation is, there’s enough other information given that I can’t really make fun of it. Nonetheless, I think the solution to the problem is still the same snarky solution I’d come up with otherwise: call his bluff and let him call the police. What are they going to say? “You are under arrest for drinking alcohol in your own house far away from any motor vehicle”?

Now that the iPad is coming, people are talking about all the possibilities for gaming on the device. And why not? Games have been one of the major categories of apps downloaded on the App store for iPhone and iPod Touch. Apple products are set to become one of the major handheld gaming platforms, and unlike the PSP, they offer something uniquely different enough to be credible competition for the Nintendo DS, at least indirectly.

The thing is that applications on Apple’s mobile devices have a very deliberately placed size limit. If you want to make a game for the App Store, you’re just not going to be able to fit in a lot of FMV and voice acting. My personal view is that this is good for the industry. It means that small, boutique developers will be able to compete on equal terms with large development houses without being overwhelmed. And it also means that there will be a greater emphasis placed on creativity and good design rather than production values.

Nonetheless, some people view the rise of gaming on the iPhone, the iPad, FaceBook and other new platforms with decidedly mixed feelings. In a sense, this is a reflection of the old “hardcore” vs “casual” debate that has gripped videogame forums ever since Nintendo launched the Wii. But that doesn’t seem like the whole story to me. After all, despite the size limits, plenty of games available on the App store would fit most people’s preconception of a hardcore game: they require time and dedication to master, many of them have plots, and they were clearly produced with an eye towards pushing the hardware to its limits.

The problem, from the perspective of dedicated gamers, is that games on the iPhone and iPod Touch do nothing to advance the state of the art. Other than the occasional driving game which is controlled (usually not very well) by tilting the device, there are no games that couldn’t have been done on the Nintendo DS. In fact, judging by the reviews that I’ve read, it seems that most App Store games would play better on the DS where they would benefit from a stylus. In a way, this really shouldn’t be surprising. The Nintendo DS is a device designed specifically for playing games. The iPhone and the iPod Touch are not. Games are the entire reason for the existence of the Nintendo DS, but on mobile devices they are just one of the many things you can play around with. In effect, a game on the iPhone will never be regarded as anything more than a sophisticated toy.

And therein lies some of the unspoken defensiveness I feel from gamers. Even the most open-minded industry watcher seems to have trouble treating games on mobile devices as equal to games on dedicated machines. While acknowledging that there are some good games out there that are worth your money, they can’t help implicitly relegating the little nuggets to second class status. And from their perspective, they are right to do so: games downloaded onto mobile devices have objectively less value than a game purchased for the PS3.

But look at it from the point of view of someone who has less time to spend playing games. To them, the value in games is not how much they resonate emotionally with the player. The value judgment is simply this: how well does it help pass the time while waiting for something? And the problem with that is whatever your definition of art is, it probably doesn’t include mere boredom killing.

None of this matters to Apple or even to Nintendo. But it does matter to a certain segment of gamers who feel that their hobby is not taken with sufficient seriousness. This sort of attitude is also what leads gamers to clamor for their favorite franchises to be made into movies, even when such an adaptation would clearly be a bad idea. If a wider audience can see and enjoy what we do, the thinking goes, videogames will become a respected form of popular art just like movies. And the problem with that line of thinking is that every time the videogame industry expands, it does so by moving into areas that do not much resemble blockbuster movies. The iPad will just be the latest step in that expansion.

Apple’s tablet has been revealed. You can read impressions from Engadget here and here. None of it is terribly surprising. It does all the stuff an iPod Touch does, only it’s bigger and faster. It read eBooks (which the iPod Touch does not do). It runs some new programs like iWork. And from what everybody is saying, it’s beautifully designed and superbly engineered. But will it sell?

The answer is we don’t know. We don’t know enough about the crucial support structure backing it up. To understand the path that the iPad is likely to take, it’s worth looking back at Apple’s too previous portable devices: the original iPod and the iPhone.

When Apple unveiled the iPod, the reaction around the web was one of mild interest at best. There were lots of mp3 players on the market already, and most people didn’t really see why Apple wanted to jump into this pool. But over the years, bit by bit, Apple began taking over the market until about 5 years ago, the word “iPod” was synonymous with “mp3 player.” There’s even an entire medium of communication now named after the device: podcasts. It’s easy to forget, but not too long ago, there was no guarantee that the iPod would achieve this level of ubiquity in the world.

Contrast this with the iPhone which instantly became the must-have device of the year and was a best-seller at launch. The difference is unlike the iPod, which was merely a very well-designed mp3 player, the iPhone was a device unlike any that had ever been seen before. It wasn’t the absolute first touch screen smart phone, but it was the first properly integrated one and the first that gained wide notice. It truly was a new, innovative gadget, and that’s why it got so much buzz and interest.

The iPad is more like the iPod than the iPhone. It does some new things, but at its heart, it is not a revolutionary device. It competes with other tablet PCs not to mention Amazon’s Kindle and Barnes & Nobles’ Nook. If it’s to achieve any kind of success, it will have to be the slow and steady way as the iPod did back in the day. The iPod was a very well-designed mp3 player with a great user interface, but most people agreed that it didn’t have much better sound quality than other mp3 players. The reason the iPod grew and took off was iTunes. Specifically, the iTunes store. No other mp3 player had access to the same convenient, comprehensive library of cheap, searchable music.

Likewise, the iPhone’s actual design is only a part of why it’s a mega monster hit. The other big reason is the App store which, minor griping from developers aside, was easy and convenient. As the commercials said, for anything you wanted to do, there was an app for it.

So what infrastructure has Apple built for the iPad? I don’t know, but if I had to guess, I would say Steve Jobs has something up his sleeve for eBooks. I find it hard to believe that Apple would release a good eBook reading device while using an online book store that doesn’t do anything differently than the competition. Maybe the use of an open format, unlike the Kindle, will be an advantage. Maybe the book store will be opened up similarly to the App store so that anybody who is reasonably determined can get their content online for others to see (as a budding author, I would fully support this). Whatever the case, Apple’s engineering and design, as considerable as it is, will not sell the iPad. What they do best is integrate their devices together with a support structure that makes everything seamless and easy. If they can do that with the iPad, they’ll have another hit.

They are add-on peripherals. Next question?

I only occasionally read IGN nowadays for a variety of reasons only some of which have to do with the site itself. But after listening to the past few Nintendo Voice Chat podcasts, I realized that the editors don’t seem to like Nintendo or Nintendo fans much. In fact, they spend an awful lot of time whining about how the Wii and various Nintendo games keep selling well (this also happens on their other podcasts). Now, the editors seem to genuinely think this is a symptom of something badly wrong with the industry, and they are welcome to their opinions. But I had to wonder if it was really a good business model to insult your audience on a consistent basis. If I’m a Wii owner and want to find out about the latest games, am I going to visit the site that tells me my tastes are inferior?

As it turns out, this hasn’t worked out very well for IGN. Take a look at this chart from Alexa:

Losing about a third of your visitors over the course of two years is not exactly what you would call a “positive trend.” And the bottom line is that IGN exists to get hits and bring in ad revenue. At this point, it’s hard to see any way for IGN to regain the audience it once had. Not only have they alienated a lot of people but in a world where the fastest growing segments of gaming are on Facebook, the iPhone and the Wii, the fact of the matter is that specialist sites like IGN and GameSpot are increasingly of interest only to a small segment of the population (PVG’s audience would also be shrinking if we had any to begin with).

So in a fragmented media environment, what is a website to do? The solution that Fox News has arrived at is to pander to the hardest of the hardcore supporters. If you have to make intellectually dishonest arguments such as that Xbox Live Achievements were the most significant innovation of this generation (more than motion control) or that New Super Mario Brothers Wii does not deserve credit for being fun, then so be it. The point isn’t to educate your audience or pass on accurate information. The point is to say stuff that a vocal minority agrees with and bait the rest of the population so that they will come to see what other nonsense you’re stirring up, thus making your influence seem much larger than it really should be by any objective measure. After all, Fox News only pulls in a few million viewers on any given night, and while that sounds like a lot of people, keep in mind that the population of this country is measured in hundreds of millions.

While IGN is doing this, they should be careful to maintain the veneer of objective and serious journalism. It’s not actually that hard to do. You don’t even need to ask follow-up questions to PR flaks. All you have to do is look like you know what you’re talking about or at least look like you think you know what you’re talking about. And while you’re at it, saying something deeply prejudicial about a segment of the population would make good business sense, especially if that part of the population isn’t paying attention to you anyway. The Nintendo audience would make a good target.

…come to think of it, maybe IGN has already thought of all of this.

It seems like all throughout 2009, gaming journalists were predicting the decline of Nintendo and saying that this would be the year that the Xbox 360 and PS3 come into their own.

I won’t deny that the Xbox 360 and PS3 had good years. There were a lot of really good games released for them, and owners of either console have reason to be satisfied. But if you thought either was going to overtake Nintendo, these numbers will give you pause. This past December, the Wii broke sales record by selling over 3.8 million units. What’s especially sobering is seeing that the Xbox 360 and PS3 each sold about 1.3 million units. The Wii and the DS each outsold the combined sales of all other non-Nintendo consoles. And you can be sure the profit margin for Nintendo is much higher than it is for Microsoft or Sony.

I don’t know how long Nintendo can keep this up. And I don’t know if they been aggressive enough in anticipating future challenges and technology. But Nintendo has been doomed for a few years now according to the media. Maybe they should actually start worrying when everybody starts predicting their success.

Now that the 2008 elections are over and now that the health care debate has subsided a bit, it’s time for me to get back to writing about games. Well, mostly. This post is still mostly about politics.

As you may have heard, Greenpeace has recently ranked Nintendo dead last in its annual report on 18 consumer electronics companies for the second year in a row. The problem is if you’re like me and you demand to read the actual report, all kinds of problems start cropping up. The report is structured as as sort of report card with several categories in which the companies are scored from “Good” to “Bad.” If you read the actual criticisms of Nintendo, you start to see a problem. Below is a sample of Greenpeace’s criticisms of Nintendo and their justifications for giving the company a low score:

Recycling e-waste:

Bad — Nintendo of America claims a near 100% recycling rate for product returns and repairs in the US, however, information on its take-back programme for obsolete consumer products is not given, neither is there any information on its recycling rate in other parts of the world

…

Use of recycled plastic content in products – and timelines for increasing content

Bad — No information.

…

Support for global mandatory reduction of GHG emissions

Bad — It is disappointing that Nintendo has yet to make a statement on the need for mandatory reduction of GHG emissions.

…

Amount of renewable energy used

Bad — No information given.

Throughout the report, the reader is provided with links to “More information.” However, the link invariably leads you to Nintendo’s corporate website where there is a generalized statement (if any) about its environmental policies. Over and over, Greenpeace knocks Nintendo for not giving enough information about its environmental policies. Now I would certainly agree that transparency is a good thing, but this is not a valid reason to give a company a score of “Bad” in that category. Nor, for that matter, would a statement of such a policy be a valid reason to give the company a “Good” score. The same issues abound for the top-ranked company in the report, Nokia. All of the links in that part of the report lead to Nokia’s website. There is literally zero independent verification or research done on these companies, and as far as I can tell, this report was generated simply by reading corporate websites and taking them at face value. I’m not the only one who thinks this. ArsTechnica had the same problem when they looked at the report back in 2007. And it’s worth noting that a web tool created by the EPA based on actual information (because companies are required to report to the EPA) seems to rank Apple much higher than Greenpeace would.

I’m a supporter of environmental causes. I have given hundreds of dollars last year to certain environmental groups and will do so again this year. I support a carbon tax because I believe it will be even more helpful than the cap and trade system currently being considered by the government. However, I do not consider Greenpeace to be on my side. This easily debunked, lazy reporting by the Greenpeace is useless at best and counter-productive at worst. All they are doing is giving ammunition to critics of the environmental movement and thereby making it harder for the rest of us to effect real change.

And while I’m at it, it’s not helping the cause of videogame journalists that they unquestioningly report press releases from Greenpeace without doing a minimal amount of fact-checking. This is part of the reason why I no longer want to be a journalist of any kind, let alone a gaming journalist.

Since it’s almost the new year, I’m adding a bonus at the end. Enjoy.

Dear Xantar,

I am a 32-year-old single mother of a teenager, and I have been dating a great guy for the past year. He is my age and has no kids. Most of my relationships haven’t lasted more than a few months. This guy is perfect in many respects. He constantly tells me he loves me, gets along with my son, helps me around my house, plans his weekends to include me, and has introduced me to his family. The problem is that in the past year he has never bought me flowers. I know it may seem petty, but it’s something I think shows a woman that a man was thinking about her throughout the day and that he appreciates her. I have mentioned to him how much this bothers me, but it doesn’t seem to change. Should I be concerned?

Dear Deflowered (sorry, couldn’t resist, even if that was kind of cruel),

I can already feel my female readers shaking their heads in embarrassment on your behalf. On the one hand, I sympathize with you for being a teen mother and raising your kid all by yourself. On the other hand, it’s pretty clear that you haven’t learned anything about relationships since middle school. Bringing flowers shows a woman that a man was thinking about her throughout the day and that he appreciates her? How about telling you constantly that he loves you, helping you around the house, and planning his weekends to include you? What the hell do you think that shows? I’ll tell you from a man’s perspective what he’s thinking. He’s thinking, “Why would she want some cheap flowers that are going to die in a few days when she could have some help with the chores and a weekend at the mall?” This isn’t Twilight. Symbolic gestures are not what sustain a relationship. Hopefully, you’ll learn that before your boyfriend wises up to the fact that he’s dating a high-schooler in a 32-year old’s body.

If you’re really set on getting some flowers, though, I know a shark in Pittsburgh who deals with them. Don’t ask me why there’s a flower-dealing shark in a landlocked city. It’s complicated.

Dear Xantar,

I have been prank wrapping gifts to my family for years. It’s nothing too serious (nesting boxes, duct tape wrapping, heavy lead weights on gift cards), and everyone seems to enjoy it. The only problem is that I have met that special someone, and while the rest of her family approves of our relationship, her mother does not. She has questioned my financial standing—which is excellent—even though she and my girlfriend’s father are flat broke. Mostly she refuses to talk to me at all. So I put her gift in a box that can’t be opened without the use of metal cutting tools. While I am happy with this (I consider it a masterpiece of gift wrapping), my girlfriend is ill-at-ease. She recognizes the tension between me and her mother, and understands that it may never be resolved, but thinks this might be going a little far. I am not sure that it is. Does this exceed the treatment I have received from her mother?

Dear Dense Wrapping Around the Head,

I’m kind of doubtful about your claim that everybody enjoys your prank wrapping. It sounds like the sort of joke that people would just put up for your sake. And seriously. You gave her a present that can only be opened with metal cutting tools? You don’t see where this might seem excessive? Now you just sound like an asshole. If the mother-in-law doesn’t like you, there’s not much you can do about that. But all you’re doing here is giving her an excuse to tell your girlfriend there’s a reason she doesn’t like you. And she wouldn’t be wrong.

But since you’re so into this sort of thing, I have an idea. Why don’t you fashion a metal condom and put it on yourself. With padlocks. Then tell your girlfriend it’s a gift for her to unwrap. She’ll love it.

Dear Xantar,

My uncle recently announced he will be divorcing his fourth wife, whom he married a year and a half ago. They made it a year longer than we all had predicted. He is family, yes, but this man can be very unpleasant, particularly when stressed (like getting divorced around the holidays), and likes to put his overly critical two cents in where it doesn’t belong. For some reason, I, as the grown daughter of his older sister (I have a younger brother who is 19), usually spend the entire holiday receiving backhanded comments and having absurd orders barked at me that I often politely (or not so politely) refuse. The rest of the family is treated to his loud, “hilarious” stories and often doesn’t know what has been going on all day until after he has left and I make them aware of it. I’m told to just ignore him, but it gets harder every holiday, and I know this particular one will be brutal. Any advice?

Dear Xantar,

When I moved away from my small-town USA home years ago after college, I didn’t realize that I dropped off the globe for my family. I love my family and make every effort to keep in touch and visit. However, after 10 years I have come to realize all the action is on my part and I’m starting to wonder if I should take a step back. Most of my family didn’t attend my wedding because they “didn’t want to travel that far.” I never get invites to birthday parties or holidays, so I have to invite myself if I want to be included. When I am visiting, it doesn’t seem like anyone is that interested in seeing me, and they definitely do not care about hearing what is going on with me. None of my family has visited me in my new home even though I have invited them numerous times. I have put a lot of effort in my family relationship, and I want to stop and just focus on my life with my husband. Is this normal? Can I move on and let them make the move if they want to see me? I’m exhausted.

Dear Xantar,

I normally have an extended break during the holidays, most of which I spend at home (out of state) with my family. This year for a variety of reasons (mostly due to the pressure and gloom I feel at home), I am choosing to stay for only two days. I feel guilty enough, but I know once I start telling people, they will all make me seem like a horrible person for not spending time with my family. Mind you, no one ever visits me, and I am always expected to travel to see other friends and family who live in the tri-state area, but I don’t even have a car. Do I just suck it up and stay a few more days, even though I will most likely be in a funk? If not, how do I explain to people that I want to have a stress-free holiday break and prefer to be by myself without seeming selfish?

Dear all three of you,

Families are an accident of birth. You’re all adults now. Why the hell are you putting up with this?

Boy it’s been a while hasn’t it. Blame it on the people who write to advice columns. The pickings have been kind of slim lately. But now I’ve managed to scrounge together an acceptable group of letters, so let’s get this show started.

Dear Xantar,

My partner and I are adopting twins! We plan to raise them without diapers. There’s a method for this, and most of the world goes without diapers. We will also use only organic clothes and linens, and only natural wooden toys. I’m wondering how we can politely express this to the people attending our baby shower. It would seem a bit brash to simply tack a list of what we don’t want to the bottom of the invitation. I’m afraid that giving no indication about our organic preferences would lead to us throwing out or giving away almost all of the gifts we receive, and that doesn’t seem right, either.

Congratulations on becoming parents. However, I’m going to tell you that people like you set my teeth on edge. It’s not because I disagree with your environmental stance. I’m not going to claim to be an environmental radical, but I do contribute lots of hard-earned time and money to the cause. If you’re that committed to living without plastic, then more power to you. But you’re still a couple of mindless, self-righteous pricks.

You’re going to just throw out gifts that don’t meet your organic standards? I know you’re not throwing all of them away, but why throw any gifts away at all? There are lots of poor unfortunate people in this country who could use those disposable diapers you’re so ready to get rid of. It’s overprivileged and out of touch people like you that give liberals a bad name.

It also doesn’t look like you’ve really thought this through. A lot of the world does indeed go without diapers. You know what babies do in those parts of the world? They just squat right down on the ground wherever they are. Try that next time you go to Whole Foods and see how long the store manager puts up with it.

Children are not accessories for political statements. Your job is to pass your most important values on to them so that later in life they can make their own decisions about how they want to live. I’ll bet you weren’t raised without diapers, and look at what good ecological citizens you turned out to be. If you pass your sincerest beliefs on to your children, they’ll figure it out on their own. But here’s a hint: low carbon footprint is not a “value.” That’s just a goal. The way you’re carrying on is actually a pretty good way to produce a couple of Humvee driving monsters who eat steak for dinner every night.

Dear Xantar,

My child’s father and I split up when I was five months pregnant, and I’ve raised our 8-year-old son by myself. I’ve always told him that Santa Claus exists. For the past two years, he’s been writing a wish list to Santa and putting it in the mail. Last year, his father told him that Santa does not exist, that it’s a lie parents tell their children, and that parents buy presents and tell the kids they’re from Santa. Two nights ago, my son asked me, “Mommy, does Santa really exist?” to which I replied, “What do you believe?” He said, “Papa told me Santa doesn’t exist, and you tell me Santa does. I think he does, but I don’t know.” I always knew that I would have to tell my son the truth about Santa, but I don’t want him to think that I’ve lied to him all these years. How do I tell my son that Santa doesn’t exist without losing his trust? And what’s there to live for when you don’t believe in all the things that make a moment special?

I realize that it’s not the most enviable thing in the world to be a single mom raising the spawn of a jerk, but I’m still not going to cut you any slack on this one. This isn’t about your concern for your child’s well-being. This is about fighting a war with your ex-boyfriend by proxy (oh sure, you can distance yourself by calling him “the child’s father” if you want to, but at some point he was your boyfriend. Or at least your sex buddy). You’re upset because your ex spoiled your carefully laid out plans to keep your child innocent. Yeah, he was an ass to do it, but it’s nothing for you to get worried over.

You know what happens when kids find out Santa isn’t real? They get over it. Then they realize that the presents come from their parents which means their parents love them. And then they start nagging their parents to give them the latest Snake Eyes action figure with real karate chop action. And then they start having fun telling other kids at school that Santa doesn’t exist and then watching them cry. So you know what’s there to live for when you don’t believe in everything that makes a moment special? Your hard-working, loving mom is a pretty good start. Get over yourself. I guarantee your kid won’t even be worried about it two days from now.

Dear Xantar,

I work in a small office where everyone gets along well. I am in my early 20s, by far the youngest employee and the only single one. I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. Every year around the holidays, my co-workers plan to buy our boss a nice Christmas present with a set contribution of $75 per person. This year they also planned an office Christmas party dinner at a nice restaurant where we will pay our own way. I simply do not have the money to participate in all this, but it is expected of me. I am incredibly embarrassed to be the only one in this situation, and I feel that if I don’t participate, I will be looked down upon. How can I explain to them that I want to be included, but I cannot afford the activities that are planned without my input?

This is going to be one of the rare opportunities for me to mouth off on somebody other than the letter writer. Seriously? Seventy five freaking dollars for a gift contribution to your boss? What are you going to get, a PS3? Who does your boss think he or she is, Kim Jong Il? Are you working on Wall Street? I understand the concept of giving fits to your boss. I work for a relatively well-to-do boss, and we give him gifts, too. But our contribution is $5 per person. Somewhere in past, expectations in your office went way out of whack, and if people are still expecting lavish feasts in this economy, they are going to have a rude meeting with reality pretty soon.

Tell your co-workers that you can’t spare that much money because of student loans/health care/raising your kids/whatever applies to your situation. And then bring in a bagged lunch on the big day in case you’re left out of the festivities. If the rest of the office looks down on you because you have your priorities straight, then their esteem really isn’t worth $75.